I've never been a Python nut, but I've enjoyed some of the stuff they've done over the years. This is my all-time favorite Python routine...thought you might enjoy it. The Argument Room A man walks into an office. Man: Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please. Receptionist: Certainly, sir. Have you been here before? Man: No, this is my first time. Receptionist: I see, well we'll see who's free at the moment. Mr. Bakely's free, but he's a little bit concilliatory. No. Try Mr. Barnhart, room 12. Man: Thank you. He enters room 12. Angry man: WHADDAYOU WANT?! Man: Well...well, I was told outside that... Angry man: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED EVIL PAN OF DROPPINGS! Man: What? A: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS STUFFY-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!! M: Yes, but I came here for an argument!! A: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is Abuse! M: Oh! Oh I see! A: Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door. M: Oh...Sorry... A: Not at all! A: (under his breath) stupid git. The man goes into room 12A. Another man is sitting behind a desk. Man: Is this the right room for an argument? Other Man: (long pause) I've told you once. Man: No you haven't. Other Man: Yes I have. M: When? O: Just now. M: No you didn't. O: Yes I did. M: You didn't! O: I did. M: You didn't! O: I'm telling you, I did! M: You didn't! O: Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour? M: Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the five minutes. O: Just the five minutes. Thank you. Anyway, I did. M: You most certainly did not! O: Now let's get one thing perfectly clear: I most definitely told you! M: Oh no you didn't! O: Oh yes I did! M: Oh no you didn't! O: Oh yes I did! M: Oh no you didn't! O: Oh yes I did! M: Oh no you didn't! O: Oh yes I did! M: Oh no you didn't! O: Oh yes I did! M: Oh no you didn't! O: Oh yes I did! M: No you DIDN'T! O: Oh yes I DID! M: No you DIDN'T! O: Oh yes I DID! M: No you DIDN'T! O: Oh yes I DID! M: Oh look, this isn't an argument! O: (pause) Yes it is. M: No it isn't! It's just contradiction! O: (pause) No it isn't. M: It IS! O: It is NOT! M: You just contradicted me! O: No I didn't! M: You DID! O: No no no! M: You did just then! O: Nonsense! M: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!! O: (pause) No it isn't. M: Yes it is! I came here for a good argument! O: AH, no you didn't, you came here for an argument! M: An argument isn't just contradiction. O: Well! (pause) It can be. M: No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition. O: (pause) No it isn't. M: Yes it is! T'isn't just contradiction. O: Look, if I -argue- with you, I must take up a contrary position! M: Yes but it isn't just saying "no it isn't". O: (pause) Yes it is. M: No it isn't! O: Yes it is! M: No it isn't! O: Yes it is! M: No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says. O: (pause) No it isn't. M: It is! O: Not at all! M: It is! The Arguer hits a bell on his desk and stops. O: Thank you, that's it. M: (stunned) What? O: That's it. Good morning. M: But I was just getting interested! O: I'm sorry, the five minutes is up. M: That was never five minutes!! O: I'm afraid it was. M: No it wasn't..... O: I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more. M: WHAT?? O: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes. M: But that was never five minutes just now! Oh come on! Oh this is.. ...this is ridiculous! O: I told you. I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you pay. M: Oh all right. (takes out his wallet and pays again.) There you are. O: Thank you. M: (clears throat) Well... O: Well what? M: That was never five minutes just now. O: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid. M: Well I just paid! O: (pause) No you didn't. M: I DID!!! O: You didn't! M: I DID!!! O: You didn't! M: I DID!!! O: You didn't! M: I DID!!! O: You didn't! M: I don't want to argue about it. O: Well I'm very sorry but you didn't pay! M: Ah-ha! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing??? Ah HAAAAAAHHH! Gotcha! O: (pause) No you haven't. M: Yes I have! If you're arguing, I MUST have paid! O: (pause) Not necessarily. I -could- be arguing in my spare time. * * * %Z